Are you looking for marriage or the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony?
When I hear the news that someone has left the priesthood, I also hear gasps. Yet, how often I've heard that a marriage has broken up and the response has been, "Oh that's too bad." The object isn't to bring the concept of Holy Orders down. It is, however, to raise the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony to its proper status. In our society today marriage has been treated like a contract. Contracts can be torn up. Even some Catholics "think" they are married if they go to a justice of the peace. Governments have nothing to say about the Sacraments of Baptism, Eucharist, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, or Holy Orders. These all denote "covenant." A covenant lasts as long as the two who enter into it are living. It follows that no government has anything whatsoever to say about the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony! To delude ourselves into thinking this makes government a god above the Lord our God. We not only have the opportunity, but also the responsibility to teach and live the sacrament with honor.Even in marriage preparation programs, I have seen words such as "Do not get too theological about this..." That is ludicrous. We Catholics have treated the laity like adolescents too long. It is no wonder that so many respond as adolescents when it comes to the bonding of two individuals. This Holy Sacrament of Matrimony must be witnessed by all as something sacred and not merely a "mating call" or legalized sexual union. Every child should know about the Sacrament long before he or she is called to it by witnessing those who brought them in into the world. My own brother said to me at one time, "Funny how our sacraments of matrimony and priesthood are both powerful. You had to study for it for a minimum of eight years. We just had to go away for a short weekend." So, for those who were never taught, I offer these following thoughts that you might find great power and grace.
Every time I have an interview with a couple that is planning a marriage, I ask one question of the groom that he is to remember on the day of the ceremony. That question is, "How do you feel about being a bride?" Of course, this makes the man sit on the edge of his seat ready to muster up all the testosterone that he can to protect his masculinity. But that's the point. We often are so busy thinking of protecting ourselves in this society that we lose the realities in which we live. Sure, we live in genders. We're human! However, there is something in a marriage that moves beyond the limitation of gender. In fact, it blends the gender limitations so well, that two become one.
Let's take a look at the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Notice right away that I didn't merely say "marriage." The term "marriage" has been distorted so badly by society. We hear about the "marriage" of two companies, the "marriage" of different schools of thought. No, we're talking about matrimony... Holy Matrimony. What does it mean?
In the Rite of Marriage, we find the description of Holy Matrimony as one that makes present the reality of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church. That relationship is one of full communion, continual reconciliation, which is free from all that would impede a covenental bond. Whew, that's a mouthful isn't it? People have been "contracting marriage" for centuries. What is this that is so different about the Holy Sacrament of matrimony?
First of all we must look at the history of God and His people. The Old Testament Scriptures have always described the relationship of God and His people in spousal terminology. But it seems as if God is the only one faithful to the agreements He makes with His people. Hosea even married a whore to illustrate how the relationship with God and His "spouse" was going at the time. It wasn't a pretty picture. Total reconciliation was never really accomplished. Not until Jesus came.
Jesus is God! He is the sign of the fullness of reconciliation of God and humanity. He contains all in Himself. As an outward sign of this reconciliation, His first miracle was at Cana in Galilee. That's where He performed his first of many magic tricks. Magic tricks? Not for those with any vision... real vision. Jesus turned water into wine. That was pretty cool for those who liked sensationalism. But for those who were looking for a reality, it was something very different in reflection.
Jesus turned water into wine. He took the substance that we know of from our baptism and turned it into the substance that we know he would later use to consecrate into his very life blood....his very life. In eventually giving his Body and Blood, he would be communing with our total reality, even death, so that we might join His total reality, which is eternal life. This meant that the perfection of communion must be preceded by a total covenant of perpetual honesty and reconciliation. It is only then that the communion between God and humanity is covenentally valid and complete. So, what was Jesus doing? He was proclaiming a new engagement at the Wedding at Cana. He was procaling that through his eyes... through his love, his spouse is pure.
When I see a bride coming down the isle in white, I do not look for "virginity." The pagans gave up offering virgins to the gods years ago. No, I look for the sign of the baptized. I look for the beauty of the Church seen in this response to God's call. I see the white alb that I was ordained in as a sign that only the baptized can know the sacramental life. I see that baptism experiencing continual conversion to the life of Christ. This is why I often suggest to a bride and groom to both wear the color that signifies their baptism.
Because of His reaching out to us in the full freedom given to us in baptism, we are able to reach out to Him in peace and love. We know that to be reconciled with Him we just have to be totally honest with Him. We know that we can count on him always. But the Question is, "Can he count on us?" We say a resounding "Yes." It is this relationship that is to be seen in the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony. We find new life in the blood of His covenant.
"See in this white garment the outward sign of your Christian dignity. with your family and friends to help you by word and example, bring that dignity unstained to the everlasting life of heaven." (Rite of Baptism) Through our baptism, we must all share in Christ's ministry of priesthood because the "two have become one flesh." Yes, we share in different dimensions, but these ministries of priesthood should surface in all of our lives and not merely the ordained Priesthood. Priesthood always presumes sacrifice. But sacrifice does not mean merely living hurt. It means freely giving of ourselves. and for the Christian, it means giving in joy for the other. What we experience in the various sacraments should be practiced in our daily lives. When a person goes to confession, he or she should have no fear about confessing sin. There should be no fear of judgment from the priest, for the priest (if he's a sincere one) goes to confessions too!
"Through the ministry of the Church, may God grant you pardon and peace and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirit. Go in the peace of Christ." (Rite of Reconciliation)
I recently put this to the test in a day of reflection for married couples who were on a team for the Marriage Enrichment program. I explained to them that their sacrament was every bit as valid as that of Holy Orders and every bit as fruitful. To demonstrate this, I had them sit separately and write down something that they should have shared with their spouse, something that they had been hiding. When they were through writing, I had them go to a quiet place with their spouse and share and reflect on their sorrow together. The confession of each challenged the other to listen with the same care that they would want to be listened to by the other. They were not to judge. They were only to listen and forgive. When we gathered, there was a unique glow in the room. They had learned an element of freedom and were now ready to celebrate their communion with each other. They experienced a new element to their Sacrament of Matrimony, which made present the spousal relationship with God and His people. They both experienced the reality of proclaiming the other pure through their forgiveness and found themselves ‘singing a new song." The women knew now what it was like to be Christ for their husbands and the husbands knew how to be Bride to the Christ in their wives. They found out that gender did not limit their roles in demonstrating Christ's unconditional love and continual freshening of the relationship.
You see, in our society, nothing is thought of anymore when one strips off the outer garments that we call clothing for a physical union. But in the Sacrament of Matrimony, there is no fear of stripping the heart. That is where the fullness of communion, of intercourse of human lives takes place. But in order for this to reach it's fullness of expression, there must be a constant and very conscious element and awareness of ministry. This ministry is not merely to each other. The Holy Orders I have received were not given for my use. They were given to serve others. The Sacrament of Matrimony is not given for the couple. It is given to reveal the total spousal relationship between God and His people, Christ and His Church. In Christ's eyes, we are His Spotless Bride. To each in the Sacrament of Matrimony, the Christ in each sees the Spotless Bride in the other.
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church,
because we are members of his body."For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:21-31)Once I officiated at a wedding in which one of the attendants refused to read the above reading. she was looking it as the world looks at things. the version I used had the word "submissive" rather than "subordinate." This woman, being a zealous feminist missed the whole point as many do. If one looks closely enough with faith, the reading comes alive with the reality that the one who was most subordinate was Christ. For he took on the sins of humanity and erased them by proclaiming the other pure. In the vision of forgiveness and restoration, we find ourselves being Christ to those around us. As the Church, we find ourselves only being seen pure by Christ. We are one body.
We always remember our faith in God, but we forget the obvious... God has faith in us. Who's more important in the Sacrament of Matrimony, the man or the woman? (Be careful how you answer this) If you said both, you've reached a new understanding of your sacrament. For you now understand the privilege of what Christ has done for us in making us the equal partner in the plan of salvation. When one takes a covenental vow with another, he or she is saying that they share their goal equally and have great confidence in the other, always being the Christ because of their baptism, ready to forgive and ready to commune and proclaim that communion as a sign of hope to those around.
You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.'Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age."
They said together, "Amen, amen," (Tobit 8:6-8)
and
The passion of Holy Matrimony is one that transcends the erotic tendencies of this world. It looks to give, not to take. It looks toward mutual happiness. The physical expression in the conjugal union is one that is not self seeking. We rise above the animal kingdom in that the bond looks to give to the other. It is an expression of giving one's total self for the other. it is the sign of a lived reality. It is a communion in which the Christ in one gives totally to the other. It is the perfect imitation of the total dying to self for the benefit of the other to new life that we see in the Eucharist. It is a total receiving in thanksgiving for the selflessness of the other.
This type of relationship reveals the fullness of the unity of Christ and His Church in heaven. The word memory in the Hebrew context does not mean to sentimentally look on the past. It means to "make a reality present." We live in the context of the Eucharist. We even call ourselves a Eucharistic people. So in everything we do, we "make the reality present." We become the Body of Christ to the world.
Then he took the bread, said the blessing, broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body, which will be given for you; do this in memory of me."
And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which will be shed for you. (Luke 22:19-20)I often share with couples how my promise of celibacy reveals in my life the longing for the full union of the waiting Bride for the Christ. Yet theirs teaches the latter part of the Gospel. Every couple has the right to see what they sacrificed in their union for each other lived out in a chaste manner in my life so that the Gospel's longing for the Groom with enthusiasm may be witnessed. Yet I as a priest have sacrificed the privilege of matrimony and have the right to see the fulfillment of the Gospel lived in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony in full and complete communion, which is open to new life. That is the chastity of matrimony.
So who is the Sacrament for? It's is for all of us who gain inspiration by its example. It's for the children born of that love which provides a stable and loving environment. Every child has the right to know that parents are a gift from God and a sacramental security of family life.
There is a true story of a young couple who had been through a terrible tragedy. When they were married, he was eighteen and she was nineteen. Three years later, the woman was driving along a high speed, two lane highway. A car tried to pass her and forced her to the side on to some wet grass. Her car spun around and landed back on the road into the path of an oncoming garbage truck. Her husband was told at the time, that because of her injuries, she might never be capable of enjoying the conjugal part of their expression again. As a husband and part of this sacrament, what should his response have been? What kind of maturity does it take to be a Sacrament? What level is your maturity in your Sacrament? What would you do? How would you respond? Is your love strong enough to transcend physical desire?A Sacrament of Matrimony always comes first... yes, even before children. I proposed this to a Confirmation class at one time. Naturally, the adolescent minds were rebellious toward the idea. So, I asked a two simple questions. the first was, "How many of you come from divorced parents?" A little over fifty percent raised their hands. " Then I asked, if your parents had put their marriage first, how different would your lives be at this point. the class responded almost in unison, "Oh I get it!"
This is why, when couples come up to me as couples in the Communion line I say, "The Body of Christ." They respond, "Amen." Then I say, "Thank you for your Sacrament!"
Vocations Crisis of Marriage and Priesthood
Here's another interesting site with more marriage resources!
